So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
not ubering you a puppy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
