i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
