some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
