he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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