The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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