That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Two words: nipple clamps
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