Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
