omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
