...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
only you would photoshop your dick
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
