This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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