Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
