Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
