You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I will pee on everything he values.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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