Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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