So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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