): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
