I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
