Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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