He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
