as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
