I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
