help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
