I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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