ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can I color on your dick again?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
