That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
tonight lets celebrate not being married
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
