Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
