apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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