College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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