Ambien. No doubt about it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you win again, gameday.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
