**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!