Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

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  (860): I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/etyc
  Replies (12) Good night (823) Bad night (2135)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid

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  (201): bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid http://tfl.nu/hxiy
  Replies (22) Good night (935) Bad night (4512)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name

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  (423): In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name http://tfl.nu/dqgq
  Replies (3) Good night (3036) Bad night (755)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

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  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5618) Bad night (1062)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying

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  (304): Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying http://tfl.nu/2vcq
  Replies (12) Good night (3118) Bad night (932)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker

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  (210): I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker http://tfl.nu/tvqf
  Replies (8) Good night (2916) Bad night (961)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.

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  (419): I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done. http://tfl.nu/5j5b
  Replies (6) Good night (1199) Bad night (756)
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  (562): View more from California

  I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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  (562): I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me. http://tfl.nu/m5b0
  Replies (1) Good night (602) Bad night (1025)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...

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  (860): on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed... http://tfl.nu/6d23
  Replies (4) Good night (1092) Bad night (389)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.

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  (765): Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown. http://tfl.nu/booj
  Replies (7) Good night (995) Bad night (462)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.

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  (407): Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it. http://tfl.nu/49t8
  Replies (0) Good night (675) Bad night (250)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.

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  (320): I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice. http://tfl.nu/yhhi
  Replies (6) Good night (1275) Bad night (323)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me

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  (678): I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me http://tfl.nu/qbi9
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (302)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.

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  (765): Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares. http://tfl.nu/7uu2
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (276)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.

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  (250): We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night. http://tfl.nu/t0jj
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (201)

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