Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure