I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure