Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
