Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
