ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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