I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
