I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
