i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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