Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
