what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
