Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
