grandma shit on top of the toilet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
