and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
