I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Shame is for Republicans.
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