two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
