My hand turned me down
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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