The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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