uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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