none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
