Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
