Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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