I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
