How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
