you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
