I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
