yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
