is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
