he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
