He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm like, not good at living.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
