ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
