I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
