so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
