We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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