hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
