I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
