Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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