Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
