Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
