So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
