I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
