So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize