Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
