Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
