I cut my penus on the lid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
