I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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