jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
