I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
