well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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