so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
