A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
